The first year that my husband and I separated was one of the most challenging that I ever experienced. My routine was thrown of kilter, I no longer knew what to expect each day and my future was a blank unknown. Once it was finally determined that my marriage was over, I ventured into the dating world. Wow, if that wasn’t an interesting and challenging experience. Luckily, I can look back now and appreciate the experience and embrace all that I learned about myself and others, but that wasn’t always the case.
There was one person in particular that really forced me to look deeply inside myself and answer some hard questions. Although, that relationship didn’t work out I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted to do with my life. In fact, I contribute this introspection for the birth of my business as well as the name of my company. But that is neither here nor there. The reason for this reminiscing is because he shared with me many great books. One in particular, and the reason for this article, was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
If you are not familiar with this book, The Four Agreements outlines four basic rules by which to live your life. The first one, Be Impeccable with your Word, I will discuss in this article. In the first agreement Mr. Ruiz states the following - “speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love”.
Just take a moment and think about what this means. Can you see now how powerful what you say is? When I work with my clients, I focus a great deal on their language. Some of my clients shrug off my attempts, believing that a change in their language is irrelevant. I beg to differ. Our words whether spoken out loud or internally are very powerful and dictate how we feel about our self and others. Our words determine whether we are happy or unhappy. Would you be willing to change your words if it meant you would be happy? Would you be willing to buy into the power of words if you knew that your bad days would be fewer and your goods more frequent?
Let us take a moment and think about what are words really mean. How many times do you tell your children or even your spouse – “I don’t have time to do that right now.” Now we all have the same amount of time in a day, right? Twenty four hours last I checked. What each of uschooses to do with our time differs. So when you say, you don’t have time, what you are really saying is - I am choosing to do something different with my time, which can be translated into, I have something more important to do then spend time with you. Hmm! What do you think about that?
Another very powerful phrase is “I have to ……..” or “I should …” Now just take a moment and think about this. Is there anything that you absolutely have to do? What would happen if you didn’t? When you use the words “have to” or “should do” it portrays powerlessness, right? Saying those words takes all the control from you and puts it into the hands of whoever it is you are trying to please, placate or impress. So in essence, you can blame someone else for your unhappiness or mediocrity, when in truth it is all about you! Once you come to this awareness you are halfway there to designing a life of your choosing.
Let’s take a different approach. What if you changed your language to “I choose to …” Now you are responsible and accountable for what you do, not that ambiguous other person. When you change your language this way, and take back your power, you are forced to look at what you “choose” to do with your time. Now you are responsible for your happiness and success. Isn’t that more like it? Wouldn’t you rather be in control? Wouldn’t you rather be the one responsible for your success or failure, whatever the case may be? At least now you are responsible, right.
So I challenge you take the time to stop and listen to what words you use. Are you speaking with integrity? Are you using your words to harm or to help? Are you using your words in love and truth? To live in integrity is to do what you say and say what you mean. Everything else is a cop-out. So do you want to be happy and successful? Do you want to live your life on your own terms? Or do you want to continue to be the slave to your words and that mysterious person dictating what you have to or should be doing? The choice is yours - what will it be?
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